Dear Grandma,

I am sorry I called you in such a rage. I should have waited and calmed down a bit but I didn’t and for that I will have to accept the consequences.

I blame both of you for the bad relationship you have. She is NOT the daughter you want and YOU are not the mother she wants. Mom is a GREAT mother to me and YOU are a fabulous GRANDMOTHER to me. But somewhere in between the two of you fall short and continue to fail one another over and over again. It is sad and regretful but it is the truth.

I would be remiss to say that it hasn’t saddened me for years that the two of you could never get along. But alike others things in life – I learned to accept the fact that life – alike family – isn’t perfect – and we do not always conduct ourselves in the most positive light. Nor does life always turn out like we hoped. I never imagined burying a father at 23 nor did you ever imagine burying two husbands. But we have all survived in our own ways and learned to move forward and find pleasure where we can.

That is why I have always tried to steer clear from the venom that spews between you and mom. But today I made a choice to change my policy as it would have affected MY son. And there is NO ONE more important to me then HIM. Not you, nor Tom, nor Mom. Ronin is a pure sweet little beauty who only knows love and warmth. And to have him exposed to anger (that he has no part of creating) is entirely unacceptable to me.

But when the selfishness that occurs between my mother and you flows into Ronin’s life then no will shall be immune to my rage. And that is why I had to take the stand I did.

I hope that at some point you will forgive me for my anger but I still stand by what I said. The two of you would be better off – if you never spoke – as there isn’t enough love between the two of you – to overcome all the hurt that happens over and over again.

You feel abandoned by the family and I am not sure what my part in that is and what I could do to make that better. I only have love for you as you have only showed me love. But I cannot continue to listen to my mother’s hurt when she speaks to you. I simply cannot handle or process the stress – not now being pregnant – nor ever in the future. I cannot exist in that state of being – I did for awhile before I met Sean and I wasn’t a happy person. He has enabled me to become strong and set boundaries and by those boundaries I must live.

I am more than a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, or a wife now. I am a mother. And I will be the best possible mother I can be – and in order to do that I must step away from the venom and hope that at some point all this nonsense will cease.

Again, I am sorry to have spoken to you in anger. I have so much love for you and hope that in your heart you know that to be true.