Xmas 2007 - still in edit mode

My MIL just left to go back to Canada. She was a great help while here. An extra set of hands with Autumn and a play-date interest for Ronin - she cooked us a chicken and mash that lasted for several meals. She even babysat and Sean and I saw I am Legend. This was the first movie I saw since pre-Ronin. But she got to spend some time with Ronin. A whole week means a lot to his world and we think she walked away knowing more of Ronin - which was great. It also meant Christmas to Sean to have his mom with him. And I am glad I could help facilitate that happening. My mom made us a lovely Xmas dinner of Roast Beef and mashed potatoes, green beans and salad. It was a good week. It is also nice to have Autumn’s room back to her and I am 3 loads of clean laundry behind and I am losing this battle – steadily.

I also learned how to be a hostess and I found some weaknesses - but I am also 6 weeks post pregnancy and hormonal.

I can say that 2 years ago today I had no children. Tomorrow marks Ronin's 2nd birthday. I am prepping for the pasty on Sunday and will be baking cupcakes for the kids. This will be a feat as I am finally pushing myself culinary-wise. Today is Ronin's birthday. By the time I saw my little man he and Sean were already playing in the basement. He loves it! We have a playroom for the kids. Ronin says "yeah" in a way that denotes he really means it. There is No in a tone we understand and a "uh-huh" that is totally Curious George. There is a "good" that accompanies a hand pumping after he pretends to eat something and says "Mmm". He asks for a "show?" knows all the characters on the Mickey Mouse Club Hose show - and dances along with June on Little Einstein’s. He also calls Leo = Eyo. He is working hard to communicate and we are working on easing him out of tantrums. He had a piece of cake for dessert - chocolate and vanilla and he loved it. When Sean and I tried to sing Happy Birthday he cried out. We tried to talk about birthday's all day and we got the same reaction. But he loved the cake! My little man is 2.
I had slept in until 8am as I was up a lot w/ Autumn last night. More fitful then when her Grandma Barbara was here. She was GREAT with her. Now we will have to work on a new schedule as she is 6wks and her days and nights have switched - I think. She really couldn’t be more perfect. An easy baby - a joy - a true help in our new transitioning world. She sleeps through Ronin's yelling and is sweet and soft. I am writing her song and it goes to the tune of Rio by Duran Duran:

Your name is Autumn and you're my little girl
I dreamt you up and brought you into the world
Your nature's gentle and you're soft to the touch
Your mommy and daddy and Ronin love you very much
You have two big blue eyes and a little upturned nose
You got your daddy narrow feet and slender toes
Still working on more for her

I haven't had any time to blog at all. My daughter was born on November 13, 2007 at 11:15am. She weighted 8 lbs. 10 oz and was 20 inches long. She is precious and I call her Boo Boo Chicken. She looks up at me with the darkest cobalt blue eyes and has the sweetest little Clara Bow lips. My Grandma Barbara says the lips belong to her namesake Great Grandma Annie. I am wondering if in fact she has my husband Sean upper lip? She has my chin and cheeks. My mom says her nose is mine (oh well) and we are not sure of her eyes. She will change plenty in the time to come.

She makes chipmunk sounds when happy and then we call her Boo Boo Chipmunk. She is a feeder and will demands bottles every hour-and-a-half. I am working on switching her days and nights – so I am trying to filler her up more during the daytime. She doesn't feed well at night and that makes for every hour-and-a-half awakening for a 1 1/2 oz. This has made me STUPID tired. But last night I only woke once btw 3-4am when she is always awake - same as in utero. She is taking a small catnap now and I should do - but I am a little mentally starved and this writing is helpful.

Ronin has been wonderful and there were a few moments with her where he wants to touch her but it too excited. He has been more sensitive and Sean and I are really trying to make this transition as smooth as possible. He calls her "baby" and always wants to know where she is? He has started to play with his stuffed animals differently. The bear that sings the alphabet was fed a bottle and he stated playing "night-night" where the bear was covered in a blanket. He also wants a "ba-ba" when he sees Autumn have one but that let up more this past weekend. He had his first sentence last week "Ba-ba for me?" And understands hot-cold, light-dark, and stop-go. He is talking non-stop and is labeling everything. He also can be a little parrot. When he wants to watch a cartoon - he asks for "show?" His hair has finally started to get too long and the hair is weighing down the curls - there is no way he would deal with a haircut so I am going to have to snip the ends when he doesn't know what I have done. This will be difficult.

Sean's mom - Barbara is coming on Saturday for a week and that will make for restful times. And we have a Christmas tree - my first at 33. It is beautiful I have to admit. And Ronin seems thrilled by the lights and ornaments - balls. To recap a tad more … Gillhoolley has been in lock down over the great illness of 2007 where we were all knocked out for a week - including Autumn. I gave it to her the week after I got out of the hospital as Ronin gave it to me. We all went on the Z-pack and recovered but I had to take Autumn to White Plains hospital for an X-ray to rule out pneumonia. Turns out it wasn't - but driving her to the hospital was a defining moment in my life. I cried in the car on the phone with my mom as I drove her there. But it was something that went away with the medicine and by a week later I had her up to 9 lbs. I basically fed her for a week every hour-and-a-half an oz 24 hrs a day.

But it worked and she is thriving! But my time alone with her might be ending sooner than later for $$ reasons and I am crushed. But my kids will one day know all that I did to do what has be be done and they will know that I spent as much time as I could. This is a working mother's guilt-issue.

I am sitting here at my desk working on my notes for my maternity leave and I started scanning the numerous pictures of Ronin that I have on all the walls of my cubicle. And then I come across a picture of my father – that was taken after he had the stroke. His smile is so big and genuine and his eyes are so sweet and inviting. And I am moved to tears. He has been gone now for 9 years and although the pain has subsided there are moments like now that I feel a quite desperation to hug him and have his kiss me on the cheek. As I approach the final countdown before my little girl is born I think about what life would be like if he was still here. And I wish he could have lived to see my children - o know and love them and for them to know and love him. I know how much he would have adored my Ronin (whom I named for him) and reveled in his energy and moxy and spirit for discovery - and for my future baby girl who I also named for him (in a way) and for my Great-Grandma Annie. I hope he watches over us and is comforted by our successes and happiness. I’m really missing him today.

A New pic of Ronin

This is a picture of Ronin from the party! Too cute in my opinion!

Ronin is 21 months old!

Ronin was invited to a birthday party on Sunday. He had an amazing time! First he played with all the toys in their living room and then he went outside – ran around on their deck and then climbed on all the lawn chairs. Then he found a ball and ran all over their yard chasing the dog and throwing the ball. Lots of people seemed to get a real kick out him and he was BY FAR the most sociable. When he walks into a room and sees people he smiles easily. This is not a shy child! He then walks over to each person waves and says HI! I offered him some chicken which he took a bite of and then threw on the floor. Subtlety is not his strong point.

When the entertainer gathered all the children for songs and games – Ronin wasn’t interested in sitting on anyone’s lap. He placed himself in the center of the circle. He cheered and clapped and danced to the music. He was the only one who would dance and clap. He really seemed to think the whole party was about him. But he is so damn cute – no one seems to mind. When they sang “Old McDonald” and the leader said cow – Ronin looked at me and I said, “What does a cow say?” and Ronin exclaimed “MOO!” and then applauded for himself. Same thing happened with sheep and Ronin said “BA!” When they brought out a big book Ronin exclaimed “BOOK” and when he was done listening Sean and I had to tell him that the bubbles were coming and Ronin yelled “Bubbles!” He was exceedingly verbal and Sean and I were thrilled. Then the entertainers sang a song about a lion in the jungle and Ronin would say “RARR” at every opportune or not moment.

When he got a little bored he started doing summersaults in the middle of the room. They brought out a parachute – which Ronin loved – and a little mosh-pit of toddlers soon overtook the room!

Ronin was so happy to be there and he had such a great time. Sean and I really enjoyed ourselves!

Onto the sequel … she is measuring a little over 4-1/2 lbs and is between 55-60% in size. She has my chin and my cheeks! She is currently head-down but moving nonstop. My BP is good at 120/74 and I gained 2 lbs in 2 weeks but she gained a pound herself – so I only netted one pound! 6 weeks to go until she is here!

Ronin and sequel update

Ronin had his 18 months doctor appointment today (even though he is 19 mos) and he is now a whopping 36 inches tall (yes 3 FEET – thank U Rechtschaffen genes) and he is 26 lbs 10 oz (that you Gillhoolley genes). So he is 99.6% in height and 50% in weight – the same trajectory that he has followed since birth. The doctor said he appeared to be a happy and healthy little boy that is developing wonderfully (YEAH!) His physical abilities are accelerated and his verbal are right on target. He received 2 shots today as well. He enjoyed playing with his matchbox cars, eating some golden raisins and talking to the fish in the fish tank in the office waiting room. His next appointment will be just after his 2nd bday.

As for the sequel – she is strong and active and measured at about 1 lbs 9 oz (52%). She is kicking and punching me daily (as she is much quieter at night!) She is fond of Gouda cheese and yogurt and not such a big fan of tomato sauce. My C-section date has been scheduled for November 16th – so we are eagerly anticipating a Scorpio with a Scorpio rising! Apparently opinionated and smart – so that should be a good match for Ronin to pal around with. My blood pressure was 110/68 and weight gain is steady but good.

Ronin and Sean are both almost over their respective colds and we are looking forward to a birthday weekend with mom. And I have managed to lose my ability to grasp anything longer than for 5 seconds or bend with great ease. We are all happy and well and sending love to each and every one of you!

Ronin's Class Picture

This is Ronin's class picture. I adore how my little man smiles! He loves to be around people and he LOVES Day Care. I am so happy that we made the choice for him. I am also happy that I was able to keep him out of Day Care until he was at the right stage of development. Now he is a happy, confident and social little being - whom I am sure will embrace and enchant the world!

Ronin - 19 months old

This is Ronin's first "school" picture taken at Daycare - Bright Horizons!! I am still amazed that the photographer managed to keep him still so the picture could be taken! And I love the little fat starfish hands!

Family Housewarming and BBQ

Tom and family came to visit us on Sunday. Everyone had a chance to see our new digs and I could tell they seemed to like the place a lot. I think they were impressed with the amount of space we have – and they would have bought something similar if it has been 15 – 20 miles south. There were a lot of cracks about needing a passport in case they had to cross the border and how close we were to the clouds – which would explain the increased amounts of rainfall we receive. Sean simply responded, “YES we are closer to the heavens here!”

Ronin was enamored by his cousins, Nate and Jess. Nate was running up and down the hallway – leading a parade and Ronin was so happy to run back and forth with them. He was laughing and squealing! Ronin LOVES a good chase. Jess was always close behind – observing closely – always keenly aware. She is definitely the power behind the thrown. You want to have her as your FRIEND not your enemy. Jess was OBSESSED over Ronin’s Elmo chair and tried to claim it whenever Ronin would let her – which wasn’t all that often. At one point Ronin got up and you could see Jess waiting to make her move. It was really quite sweet. Jess was dressed in an adorable dress with her cute chubby legs and sweet arms exposed and her eyes are a lovely shade of light blue – the same as her mother, Amanda. Her hair is much longer now and has curls at the bottom. She has really changed a lot since I saw her in May. It was so nice to see all the cousins together and they seemed to really enjoy one another. This is what I have always dreamed of seeing – all these cousins enjoying one another. Nate led, Ronin ran after and Jess trailed. I looked forward to Baby G coming and joining forces with the gang!

When Ronin first woke up from his nap and came downstairs he went directly to my mom. He misses her so much. Bypassing me totally he went to her and sat on her lap. Thrilled to be with her again! She was so happy. He then proceeded to eat his lunch while on her lap. I love seeing their relationship.

Of course every emotion that Ronin demonstrates is greeted by my mother smiling! She is madly in love with him and Ronin can do no wrong in her eyes. When Ronin was frustrated and showed it – she howled. Sean and I weren’t too thrilled when Ronin dumped his cousin, Jess, out of his chair and then proceeded to sit in it again and reclaim it – but that is VERY only child of him. He will also soon learn better sharing skills and discipline now that he is in Daycare – and we are happy for those behaviors and lessons to develop.

Tom thinks I need to have Ronin’s speech development checked. He was concerned that Ronin wasn’t really using his words and at one point screamed to get attention. He is frustrated by his lack of words – that is clear. But he has the pre-requisite 20. Ronin is identifying objects with words but he isn’t using those words in the middle of all his gibberish. I think Tom is showing some genuine concern and I appreciate that. Ronin’s next appointment is in August (a little late for his 18 mos appointment) but I wanted to make sure we got in to see Dr. Amler. Jut last night Ronin said STAR. And a few days ago he said OLIVEU for I Love You and WHERDHEGO? For Where did he go? So I think it is coming just at Ronin’s own pace.

Life with the gillhoolley's

So the little girl inside of me is now a bustling 13 ouncer and moving up a storm. I am anemic now - which explains the tiredness - which is nice to know that there is a real reason why I am dragging ass all the time. No more weight loss and started to gain.

Ronin is delicious as ever and is using new words everyday. He just mimics you - and now says OLIVEU for “I love you” and WHERDHEGO for “Where did he go?” He loves to look at the pictures in the hallway and point at the people he knows - a lot me ME, MAMA, DADEE. He loves Daycare and Sean and I are thrilled about that. He also busted into a room - At camp the other day, Ronin heard some music playing. The room was filled with 4 year old girls. They were having a dance party. Ronin knocked on the door and the counselor saw that Ronin was dancing. The counselor invited him in and he danced in the middle of room while the other girls laughed and clapped form him. He shimmies and shakes. He loved it – there was a big juicy smile on his face! Also there was some 70's funk on the radio the other day and when he heard "dig it dig it" he started the shimmy move. I nearly pissed myself.

My little man loves day care. Sean and I were worried but hopeful as we knew the time had come to transition Ronin from my mother and nanny into a program where he could learn some structure, enjoy other children and grow with experience only found with peers. Friday was his first day and the Sean stayed the first 2 hours. Sean met all the other children (all 8 of them) and Ronin gallivanted around the water play area and indoor toy area all the while interacting with everyone. I picked up an exhausted child at 3pm who needed a hug and kiss as he didn’t nap well in the new environment. That being the only negative – which I think will be easily surmountable.

Today was Ronin’s 2nd day – but since it is a Tuesday – it was like Day 1 all over again. Ronin walked into the center with Sean and carried his own lunchbox (which was bigger than him.) As soon as Ronin entered the classroom he took off to play beside another child. Sean had to go over and kiss him good-bye as Ronin acclimated perfectly and instantly. My little man is a social and spirited child who CRAVES the company of others. Both Sean and I feel very good about this decision. Ronin will continue at Bright Horizons through the rest of the summer – 3 days a week – 9-3pm.

The summer continues

So Ronin is now enrolled in Day Care at Bright Horizons - 3 days a week. It is time for him to seriously socialize with others kids his age and both Sean and I feel the experience will be invaluable for his development. He so craves the attention and companionship of other kids and I think he will blossom even more than he is now! And he will definetely get sick more now as well - but I feel it is time for him to be exposed to those bugs and kids and choices that all accompany the Day Care experience.

On Monday/Thursdays he will be at summer camp for an hour a day and Tuesday/Wednesday/Friday will be Bright Horizons.

My little man will have a very full summer.

Father's Day

Sean and I took Ronin to the Bronx Zoo on Father's Day 2007. We tried to get Sean and Ronin on the camel ride but as soon as they were up there Ronin started crying! They screamed REFUND and we all headed over to Jungle World in Asia.

Ronin was captivated by the fish as they were his eye level and he also liked a peacock that was moving not 5 feet in front of him. He also visited with all the other kiddies in various strollers as they had fish and animal crackers and he is a nosher! He wasn't as interested in the monkeys as we had expected but they were sleeping and were quite boring!

Next time we are going to the Petting Zoo so Ronin can meet some new buddies!

It was a great Father's Day. Sean also set up our new BBQ and has become a grilling master!

A new house and a baby on the way!

Sean and I bought our first home. It is 3BR / 2.5BA and BEAUTIFUL. It is spacious and wonderful and woefully under baby-proofed. We are thrilled and tired and exhilarated simultaneously.

The move was HELLacious and riddled with difficulty and we have vowed to never speak of it again. We are happy it is over and revel in the fact that we will be unpacking for the rest of our lives.

Every delivery and installation has been delayed and redone. Nothing has gone well or smoothly but I remain happy and loving my house. Ronin is having a blast running from the living room (grand hall) to the kitchen and back again! I changed my first door knob all by myself! And now I have to buy more so Ronin doesn’t lock himself in any rooms – as he loves to shut doors and have us on the other side.

Speaking of my monkey he is happy and healthy and apparently in love w/ Curious George.

I had an OB appointment today and that went well. I have lost another 3 lbs and my blood pressure was great. The baby’s heartbeat is 150 beats/per/minute and she is located just underneath my belly button and to the right. I felt her move 2x last week. She is the size of an avocado. I have been instructed NOT to lose any more weight – now that has to be the first time I have EVER heard that one! And I am grossly dehydrated and in need of rest! And I laughed as the doctor has clearly NEVER met my son, Ronin.

And we still have no clear winner for a girl’s name.

Dear Grandma,

I am sorry I called you in such a rage. I should have waited and calmed down a bit but I didn’t and for that I will have to accept the consequences.

I blame both of you for the bad relationship you have. She is NOT the daughter you want and YOU are not the mother she wants. Mom is a GREAT mother to me and YOU are a fabulous GRANDMOTHER to me. But somewhere in between the two of you fall short and continue to fail one another over and over again. It is sad and regretful but it is the truth.

I would be remiss to say that it hasn’t saddened me for years that the two of you could never get along. But alike others things in life – I learned to accept the fact that life – alike family – isn’t perfect – and we do not always conduct ourselves in the most positive light. Nor does life always turn out like we hoped. I never imagined burying a father at 23 nor did you ever imagine burying two husbands. But we have all survived in our own ways and learned to move forward and find pleasure where we can.

That is why I have always tried to steer clear from the venom that spews between you and mom. But today I made a choice to change my policy as it would have affected MY son. And there is NO ONE more important to me then HIM. Not you, nor Tom, nor Mom. Ronin is a pure sweet little beauty who only knows love and warmth. And to have him exposed to anger (that he has no part of creating) is entirely unacceptable to me.

But when the selfishness that occurs between my mother and you flows into Ronin’s life then no will shall be immune to my rage. And that is why I had to take the stand I did.

I hope that at some point you will forgive me for my anger but I still stand by what I said. The two of you would be better off – if you never spoke – as there isn’t enough love between the two of you – to overcome all the hurt that happens over and over again.

You feel abandoned by the family and I am not sure what my part in that is and what I could do to make that better. I only have love for you as you have only showed me love. But I cannot continue to listen to my mother’s hurt when she speaks to you. I simply cannot handle or process the stress – not now being pregnant – nor ever in the future. I cannot exist in that state of being – I did for awhile before I met Sean and I wasn’t a happy person. He has enabled me to become strong and set boundaries and by those boundaries I must live.

I am more than a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, or a wife now. I am a mother. And I will be the best possible mother I can be – and in order to do that I must step away from the venom and hope that at some point all this nonsense will cease.

Again, I am sorry to have spoken to you in anger. I have so much love for you and hope that in your heart you know that to be true.

Mom's Day 2007

Sean called me last night from Japan and wished me happy Mom's Day. He asked to speak to Ronin. I put the phone to Ronin's ear and when Ronin heard Sean he looked around and smiled and flapped his arms and legs. Then Sean said hello again and Ronin mouthed the phone to kiss him and then started giggling. He said “allo? allo?” When Sean and I spoke I couldn’t stop crying. I asked him if he wanted to stay there because he loves Japan so much. And then he said he missed me so much it hurt. And he couldn’t bear being away from Ronin any longer then planned. When I told him how much I missed him – he started to cry a bit – and he said – I knew from the moment I met you that I would love you forever – and now that we have been apart – I know that I NEVER want to be apart from you this long ever again! And I cried some more. I miss him so much – I cannot wait until Thursday night!

Story of the day

Ronin fell asleep after playgroup today. Once he was asleep mom and Celena went outside to get something from the car. Mom and Celena locked themselves out of the house w/ Ronin asleep upstairs. Mom proceeded to call her neighbor and ask her for the extra key. Neighbor said you took the key back several months ago. Mom started to sweat. Mom realized that there was nothing she could do. She was locked out and had to call the Fire department. She said there was a baby in a crib locked inside the house. Within 5 minutes 4 police cars, and a fire truck come screeching down the block. The fireman (in a very nice outfit my mom cared to note) asked my mom which window might be opened a tad in order to avoid breaking one - my mom chose the upstairs bathroom as the optimal place to enter. As the fireman was putting the ladder against the house - she noticed that her 8 lbs poodle was running around the backyard. The poodle is never let out w/o supervision. She realized that the patio door was left open and that is how the dog got out. She stopped the fireman after he had reached the window and said the patio door is open - Omig-d! My mom then started to cry in embarrassment. She said my son-in-law is in Japan and my daughter works full time for Reader's Digest and I am very overwhelmed. I am so sorry. The fireman said that as a matter of protocol he had to check on the baby. At this point the neighbor had made it down the street in her housecoat to see if anyone needed medical attention. The fireman said that Ronin was ass-up asleep in the crib without a care in the world. When the fireman came down the stairs she had already poured them all some lemonade and apologized that it wasn’t sugar lemonade as she was a diabetic and it was only crystal light. She then pulled some cookies out of the freezer and offered them all a small nosh.

a little bitching to relieve the soul

It is strange. I have told several friends that I am pregnant way before I was going to tell anyone because I wanted to share and I also wanted some support. When they told me they were pregnant the 2nd time around I was very excited and tried to emotionally support them as much as possible. And I have received none. No one seems to particularly care when you get pregnant the 2nd time – as if to say .. Well the 1st time is super exciting as it is new experience and something to prove in a way – that you can actually conceive and carry a child to term. But the 2nd time all bets are off. I have found myself lonelier this time around and that definitely is depressing. I do have one friend that is always supportive and whenever I speak to her she makes me feel great – compliments me and blusters me up when I am down and she doesn’t even have children. Also I have found that I have to chase some of my friends more then I care too. Now I know I don’t have an office anymore and I lack privacy at work – but they could call me at lunch time and check in occasionally. Again this makes me feel bad. And I know I am hyper-emotional but still – the loneliness is pervasive and especially since Sean is out of the country I would think there would have been more emotional support for a friend.

13 lbs. YOU bet your ass baby!

So I competed in a weight loss challenge here at work and the winner would receive about $450. The winner is also determined by percentage not total poundage. So I knew I would NEVER have a chance as I have the most to lose - which I normally do in all these challenges. The challenge was originally for 3 months but we all extended it for 4 months. I did well for 3 months and over the past month I have been eating a lot – HMMM I wonder why??

I weighted in this morning and lost 13 lbs!! I am VERY proud of me.

But there is a skinny-mini who lost 10 lbs and now she tells everyone that she has a thyroid issue. I think it is totally unfair for her to win as she didn’t have to try – like the rest of us – but I can’t say anything because that makes me look petty. And I still wouldn’t care if I hadn’t won – I just don’t think she should be able to.

The Sequel

9 weeks 4 days
I had the sequel checked out this morning … Strong loud heartbeat and the arms and legs were flapping around and swimming up a storm. This one is already moving more inside me then Ronin ever did in the beginning. It made it so much more real. Not that I haven't ABORBED that I am preggsters - but maybe in a weird way I haven't - well maybe a little... Whenever I had a major sono w/ Ronin - he never moved. I called him chill and Sean called him lazy ... My next appointment is in 3 weeks for Alpha-Fetal Proteins to detect downs’ syndrome, spina-bifida and all other uggely problems. So far so good. No weight gain – although my tummy is sticking out right above my belly button and my blood pressure was great – 108/70. This is a strong little bugger and the sequl is already rocking my world and here to stay. I am due 11/28/07 and the doctors plans on me being HOME by American Turkey Day – 11/24/07. Can someone say another little tax write-off!

Still haven't told Tom and wifely. Haven't told Grandma either ...

Accomplishment

My little man ate carrots yesterday. Little baby carrots that I had steamed up for him – that he could hold in his little fat star-fish hands … I placed one in front of him to see how he would react. Once he realized what it was he looked around for more. I also gave him some left over sloppy-Joe ground turkey. I felt tremulously accomplished as my little man ate all real people / adult food and liked it. I felt good that he didn’t entirely reject what I placed before him. I felt like a provider – extraordinaire. Is it wrong that my sense of accomplishment is wrapped up in a 16 month old? Right now I am okay with that.

the mommy debate

How many stay-at-home mom's wish they had a full time job vs. how many full time working mom's wish they could stay-at-home.

I think this is a really interesting point to consider in the on-going discussion re: who deals with what? AS I have said many-a-time I think we all have it hard and in different ways ...

I just thought it was interesting to mention.

Craving for OJ turns terribly wrong!

I had a CRAZY craving for OJ today. So I bought one and drank it and it was awesome. Then 2 hours later I ran to the bathroom to throw it up! That was far from awesome and actually quite acidic and gross and painful. Now I am off OJ. Which is sad as I used to love OJ and the last time I drank it was in May 2006 when I was pregnant with Ronin. And then I threw it up and vowed no more OJ until after Ronin was born. And then I got off juice completely and only began to crave it until now – or should I say until 11am.

So daycare expenses will kill me. I am spending $700 a month for a nanny at my mom’s house who also cleans when she has the time - which was a lot before Ronin learned top walk at 8 months. Now Ronin needs more … he needs more activities and socialization. So mom looked into a few classes and says they will cost $300 a month extra. Which means $1000 a month? I could put him in full time daycare for $1000 a month in Brewster. For 8am – 6pm care. But I didn’t want to do that yet as I wasn’t sure he or I could handle that. Then I wouldn’t hear about all the cute things he does and the new words and the new experiences … because strangers would be caring for him not family.

But with another on the way I need to reconsider this scenario and since I got knocked up so fast I will / should put him in something full time by Jan as I would have to go back to work after the sequel goes to my mom by February.

And Sean’s J-O-B is not set yet for September and that is stressful! So I really do not know what I can afford on top of the mortgage but alas I have no choice!

Crazy Bloated

My ankles are swelling by the second. I was BAD today with the water intake and now I am feeling it. I also spent lunch in my car sleeping. The exhaustion of the 1st tri-mester is UNREAL. Then I ate a lot of cheese and felt better. Tonight I think I will order the home baby mentor kit and find out the gender. Everyone is rooting for a girl and I really want this little bugger to be healthy and strong. Sean and I got that w/Ronin and I want a repeat performance.

Ronin did "well" in class today. He hugged a little girl who had a ton of curls and then stole her play vacuum. I am not sure of the gesture was hugging or stealing related. He also has no table skills or whatever that means? He is only 15 months for G-dsakes. So he doesn't want to sit at a table and draw - he would rather draw on other kids or on the floor. Good for him for not assimulating totally. I want a LEADER not a FOLLOWER. The world needs a Ronin thankuverymuch!

Today is Day 1

I used to keep an online diary but I have grown away from that. Everyone is blogging and I figured this was a good way to keep everyone informed of the Gillhoolley's. I wanted to create a special website for my son, Ronin, but I no longer recall how to HTML and no one has the time to create a full site. So here I begin - Day 1. A blog for the Gillhoolley's.

I am EXHAUSTED. I did sleep well and went to bed last night at 9pm. Ronin slept through the night again and that makes it - 5 out of 7 days - so maybe I won't have to deny him his 4am bottle and he will simply grow out of it. That would rock. I am having several pains and pulls from the sequel and WISH I could tell more people about it - but alas I need to wait.